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"Everybody deserves someone who cares."
-anonymous (via Stilhess)


Not felt like this for a long time. I’ve been crying for hours and I just want to make myself hurt, I can’t take this, I’m so unhappy.

my resentment

one single day when I come of age you won’t be there? then fine don’t contact me do NOT text me or call or think everything is so fucking okay. I am not freaking out because it’s my birthday, the first birthday I’ll ever be with you, I’m entitled to since anyone else would do the same and don’t you dare fucking lie. You’d lie if you were okay with it. I wanted you to spend the whole day with me like I did for you, remember? in the beginning before I even knew you? because that’s the type of person I am. I chose to not go to my lacrosse practice or game because to me personally I’ll have plenty more games but not your birthday those are prized beyond anything in the world. They only come once a year and who knows maybe I’ll die the next day. I’ll prioritize you over anything in my life and you can expect me to be there when you need me. You would have shot me in the heart if you don’t see me that night, I’ll be waiting at my door just knock for me and I’ll open. I don’t want the day before or the day after I want the day of and if that’s too much to ask for then choose me or cheer, that’s final and you’ll stay with the option you choose. Tell me you won’t be there so I can endure the pain on my own so I can be in solitude without you. I knew this would happen i fucking called it and that decision of encouraging you to do cheerleading is the one biggest mistake of my life I’ve put myself in a casket. for good.

celebrating 18 years of shit this Friday